Rotten Orange

A word of caution for those living or coming to the UK: when deciding on which mobile network to go for, do not choose ORANGE! Recently I finally decided to go from a top-up card to a pay monthly plan. Everything was great, got a nice deal, a lovely new phone, everything was going well.

So why am I complaining? Well, I recently changed my address at the bank, but still hadn't gotten around changing the address with Orange. So, they sent a welcome letter to my old address and my evil fat ex-housemate sends it back to Orange. They got the letter and what did they do? They barred my phone.

Ok, fair enough. But is it too much to expect the company who contacts you several times a month about new deals and other shit like that to at least inform you that they’ve barred your phone? Sure, I wasn’t expecting them to come to my house and make me a cup of tea or rub my feet while telling me the news, but a simple text message warning me or letting me know that my phone was barred? I had no idea this was happening until someone emailed me saying he could not send me a text message. F*ckin bastards! And don't get me started on their customer service (appalling would be the word), but even worse having to listen for dozens of spoken menus (more on that below) to get to talk to someone.

I must admit that not everything about Orange is bad though. I certainly praise them from their Equal Opportunities Policy. After all, they apparently hired this woman to be their Orange Answerphone Woman:



You may not recognize her, but this is Mab, the Queen of Magic. Yes, she may have done her share of evil deeds in the past, killed a few people, plotted against human kind but that did not stop Orange for giving her another opportunity. Don't know what she sounds like? Take a look at this video (note: she's the one NOT in white).

No, seriously, I would have preferred a million times if they were actually using Mab for the voice. She was evil, but very cool while the woman they use is soooo annoying. Whenever I try to make a phone call, there she comes, saying "Sorry, calls from this phone have been barred". She says this with such pleasure and malice that I'm sure that they had to cut off the evil laughter at the end of the sentence. In all her recorded messages she sounds like she's doing you a favour, sounding patronising in everything she says. Why Orange would you hire this woman? Who did she have to sleep with?

Surprisingly, I'm not alone on this. Check this news here, where it says "Subscribers have telephoned to complain about the new spoken menu they hear when picking up their voicemail messages". There was even a petition online to ditch the Voice From Hell. Needless to say, I've signed it already!