How to lose a guy in one night

And I'm back! Recent events (more on that below) in my life made me just feel like I wasn't interesting enough to have a blog (yes, drama queen!) and decided to close it. Anyway, it's back, and I promise the next time I'll go for the less dramatic option of just saying I'll be taking a break. And thanks to everyone who commented and were disappointed with me shutting it down :)

So, the recent event I mentioned, wanna know what happened? Ok, let's say we have Guy 1 (G1) and Guy 2 (G2). They both agree to meet for a date on a friday night. They both seem to a have a good time and after the date, G2 sends a text to G1 saying how he had a great time and how adorable he was. They both meet again for coffee a couple of days later and then for dinner and drinks during the week. Text messages afterwards again, with G1 saying he had a good time and would like to meet during the weekend, and G2 replies that he'll only make time if he can get a kiss this time. Still with me? OK, let's continue. G1 and G2 meet on a friday night, go for a meal then a gay bar, and with the help of alcohol they kiss and decide to go somewhere more private, like with a bed :) Off they went, then there's candles and everything, even Mariah as background music. After fooling around for a while, it's time to sleep, and they sleep really close, holding hands and everything.

Comes morning, they go for breakfast and talk about meeting during the week. Comes the week, G1 emails and texts G2 to meet again, dinner/date/whatever. Gets a late replies, very vague and cold, completely different tone from the week before. Finally, on Valentine's day (horrible day anyway...) G1 gets a message on gaydar from G2 saying that they don't have a lot in common, take care, etc.

Unfortunately, I am Guy 1, the one who got screwed in all this... Obviously I'm a bit biased, but is this normal? Was I naive in believing that we were actually getting along well? To me it was definitely something that happened that night we were together, although at the time everything seemed to go pretty well. Still, when telling my adventures last weekend to a friend, I knew something was up and realised that maybe I did not have that many reasons to be happy.

This brings me to something that has always been present in my life which is this overwhelming feeling of insecurity. No matter what, is always feel that the rug will be pulled from under my feet at any time, that whatever good things I have today will not be the same tomorrow. And most of the times I'm absolutely right... Even at work, whenever I go on holiday, I'm always scared that when I come back to the office everyone will be mad at me because of something they found out about me while I was away. It's a horrible feeling, I can't avoid not always worrying about the next day, worrying by antecipation, never fully enjoying the moment at present. Unfortunately there are no pills to fix this sense of insecurity nor no easy fix... And episodes like this last one certainly don't improve matters...

At least this gives the perfect opportunity to post one of my all-time favorite songs (and video) by Mariah. It describes perfectly how I'm feeling right now, it's the best break-up song, the realistic approach instead of the "I will survive" one (lyrics here). Yeah, drama queen again, I know this wasn't a "proper" break-up, but still disappointing.